Oh… that sweet happily ever after! When you have butterflies in your stomach, and love is in the air as if you were living in a James Blunt music video. Well, actually, people who have lived a married life at some point in their lives, or still do, unanimously agree on the fact that this is not what marriage is about.

Unlike falling in love, living the married life takes teamwork, commitment and a lot of conforming. Maybe even more than you were willing to give when you were single. So hey, it’s hard, but it’s also worth it. This thread from the Ask Men subreddit shows exactly that.

“What random marriage advice sounded absurd but was actually spot-on helpful?” someone asked, sparking an illuminating thread about this challenging yet very rewarding game called life: marriage edition.

#1

Dad said “Be kind even if you’re not feeling it. Maybe *especially* if you’re not feeling it.”

Image credits: semantician

#2

Most of the time you spend together is going to be non-sexual, so the most important thing is to be best friends. Otherwise, it won’t last.

Image credits: BOS_to_HNL

#3

Marry him for who he is. Not his potential.

Image credits: There-is-No-Beyond

#4

The point of arguing is not to win. It’s to understand where they’re coming from and why this issue matters to them.

Image credits: gaygirl98

#5

It’s totally OK to sleep in separate beds…or even separate rooms if that’s what works for you. I am not going to be a good partner if I only get four hours of sleep because I was listening to him snore all night, or if jobs require different sleeping schedules and you take a while to get to sleep

Image credits: Educational-Candy-17

#6

It’s ok to go to bed angry.

We’ve always been told not to go to bed angry but sometimes a night of sleep can change your perspective and help with resolution.

Image credits: Virtual-Cupcake-1510

#7

Be honest. Don’t lie to your partner.

Image credits: Mikeydeeluxe

#8

Clean up after yourself for God’s sake.

#9

Have separate duvets or blankets on the same bed. I can wrap myself up nice and snug, and she can move around all night without bothering me.

Image credits: ColonialSpore

#10

My grandfather told me ” Never go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink” . What I learned is that he would always help my grandma and that is when they did their most talking

Image credits: t480

#11

On our wedding day, my father-in-law said, ‘Always remember it’s the two of you against the problem, not you two against one another.’ It’s been great advice, especially when we disagree. Focusing on this piece of advice has calmed a lot of arguments over the years.

Image credits: XANDERtheSHEEPDOG

#12

Looks fade, marry someone who you enjoy talking to. -grandma

I also feel strongly about this one.

Find someone who is ok with you both having separate hobbies. My wife does her thing and I have my hobby. We share some hobbies, but we are ok with spending time apart too. We don’t have to always do them together. I couldn’t imagine marrying a woman who needed to do every single thing I did just to be around me. She needs to have her own life and I love not forcing her into the nerdy stuff I enjoy.

Image credits: catalystkjoe

#13

‘Don’t worry about what other people think is ‘normal.’ I’ve been married for almost 20 years, and this piece of insight has made all the difference. You don’t need to conform to society’s standards. Do what works for you and your partner in a marriage.

Image credits: lizardo94

#14

When our kid was about to be born, someone told me to change the first diaper. “If you can handle the first one, the others will be easy.” So I did. I didn’t know what I was doing, so I asked the nurse at the hospital to teach me, and I changed the first several few diapers while my wife recovered from a difficult labor.

The advice was correct, no other diaper was as disgusting as the first one. It got very easy and I never minded doing it, and my wife was really really grateful. And I loved that I could take on some of the parenting chores, since there was so much that she was the only one… equipped to provide.

Image credits: wordserious

#15

The advice I’ve given people is this: if you can go grocery shopping with your person and have the best time ever, you have yourself a keeper. It’s all about making the best of the mundane things, because after years of being together, life becomes predictable. You’ll need to keep the spice going, regardless of what you’re doing.

Source: married 15 years.

Image credits: LemonFizzy0000

#16

‘Never ask your partner to make a sacrifice for you that you wouldn’t make for them if the roles were reversed.

Image credits: jillannk3

#17

My fiance always says that “just because” flowers are the best kind of flowers.

Image credits: agaribay1010

#18

‘The grass is greener when you water it.’ This one always stuck with me. Your relationship is what you make of it, and it will be happier if you put love and effort into it.

Image credits: Jancer3lla

#19

A meme when I was first getting married was, “Happy wife, happy life”. Which has some degree of accuracy.

But much later, I learned the better version, which I should have been more considerate of: “Happy Spouse, Happy House”.

#20

My father always said that the best thing he and my mother did for their marriage was get a king-sized bed. I always thought it was ridiculous advice until recently, when my wife and I needed a new bed. We spent the extra money on a king, and I’ll be damned if that wasn’t one of the best decisions we have made. The extra room is amazing: We can snuggle or have some space, and when our kids try and get in bed, there’s enough room that no one is getting a foot to the face.

Image credits: /thecountnotthesaint

#21

Intimacy isn’t about sex.

#22

Moma said “don’t come whinning to me about your wife, go talk to her”….and don’t spend your time complaining to ANY one about your SO. If you need advice, ask, but no talking down about your SO, chances are they have a long list of complaints too.

#23

One of my colonels told me: “just buy two damn pizzas, instead of arguing over the toppings.”

#24

My step mom just passed away, and dad said something that has profoundly changed my attitude:

>”The little things that annoyed me are the things I now miss”

So, like, yea… for some reason she squeezes a massive glob of toothpaste which mostly falls into the sink basin and she doesn’t wash away the toothpaste spit… f*****g annoys me.

*If/when she’s gone, that little constant annoyance that reminds me she’s there will be gone too.*

Don’t nag on the little things, rather, embrace them. (still, let her know … she has made progress on other things I’ve pointed out, as I try to adapt to her wishes).

Image credits: drewkungfu

#25

Retain your individuality and have separate hobbies even after you’re married. Have time apart. Have separate activities. This will allow you to have experiences you can talk about and share with each other. It will give you time apart so you don’t feel smothered.

#26

When an argument is brewing stop and eat something, you may just be hungry.

Image credits: Far_Opportunity_8690

#27

Grandma said “love is like coffee. Sometimes it’s hot, sometimes it’s cold, sometimes it’s sweet, sometimes it’s bitter. No matter how you like it, it is good. But it’s only great when you get it ‘the way you like it’. Make sure you get what you want”.

Image credits: Pathfinder91606

#28

Love isn’t about having “nice feelings for each other.” It’s about acting for the betterment of someone else, even if you don’t feel like it. Emotions will change. Your willingness to treat your spouse a certain way doesn’t have to.

#29

Mine is almost the exact opposite. My husband snores really loud. I started sleeping separately and we have a much better relationship now. Probably because I’m not constantly sleep deprived. We both fought it so hard for so long because there is this idea that only unhappy couples sleep apart from each other. The truth is, you’ve got to do what works for the both of you and not worry about preconceived notions about intimacy, etc.

Image credits: cometdogisawesome

#30

You don’t just marry her, you marry her whole damn family.

Image credits: crazyprsn