7 Surprising Psychological Signs You’ve Never Known True, Deep Love—And What They Reveal About You
I still remember a conversation I had years ago with a close friend who was struggling to articulate why relationships always felt so unfulfilling. She would say things like, “I just don’t believe anyone truly cares,” or “I’m not even sure I know what real love looks like.”
At the time, her words struck me as both sad and deeply relatable. Many of us go through life experiencing shallow connections that never quite scratch beneath the surface. We might yearn for love but can’t recognize it when it appears, or we push it away out of fear.
Over the years, I’ve become fascinated with the psychology behind how individuals form—and fail to form—deep emotional bonds. In my coaching and personal life, I’ve seen patterns that point to a person’s limited experience with profound, soulful love.
Below, I’ll share seven signs I’ve observed, reinforced by psychological insights, that might suggest someone’s never truly experienced that life-altering, deeply nurturing form of love.
1. They show persistent distrust
When people haven’t known the safety of a genuine bond, they tend to see the world through a lens of skepticism.
I’ve met clients who scrutinize every friendly gesture, convinced there’s a hidden agenda. It can feel like they’re in a perpetual state of “waiting for the other shoe to drop,” even when nothing is amiss.
A lack of faith in the goodness of others usually stems from repeated disappointments or never having someone stand by them consistently. Instead of viewing new relationships as opportunities, they brace themselves for the worst.
Psychology Today once mentioned that trust issues often develop early, sometimes from unreliable caregivers or toxic relationships. This can affect adult bonds, making it difficult to let people in.
The tragedy here is that the constant vigilance keeps them from forming the very closeness they crave. Without trust, true intimacy remains elusive, and they may continue to reinforce their own belief that nobody is trustworthy.
2. They avoid vulnerability at all costs
Vulnerability can be terrifying for anyone, but those who haven’t experienced deep love see it as an even bigger threat.
Baring one’s soul—sharing fears, hopes, or insecurities—feels like handing over ammunition to be used against them later. I’ve noticed this in people who habitually keep conversations superficial, even with long-term friends. They steer clear of topics that could expose emotional wounds.
Brené Brown has talked extensively about vulnerability being the birthplace of love and belonging. According to her research, true connection only blossoms when we risk emotional exposure.
But for those who’ve never encountered a safe space to share themselves fully, the idea of being that open can seem downright impossible. Unfortunately, protecting oneself in this way leads to an emotional bubble, and no one can truly love what they’re not allowed to see.
3. They have idealized fantasies of love
I used to be guilty of this, especially in my early twenties. I’d create a perfect love story in my head, complete with sweeping romantic gestures and flawless emotional support. It was like I was chasing a cinematic dream, rather than a real, grounded relationship.
People who’ve never genuinely felt loved often cling to fantasies gleaned from movies or social media. They might say, “If it’s really love, it’ll be obvious immediately,” or “Love should always be passionate and exciting, right?”
But these expectations can be an escape from the messy, sometimes mundane reality of real commitment. Real love isn’t just grand gestures; it’s also washing dishes together after a long day or offering support when life is anything but glamorous.
When someone holds onto the fantasy too tightly, they miss the chance to appreciate the quiet, nurturing aspects of love that are far more meaningful in the long run.
