7 Unexpected Signs Friendly People Use to Hide They Can’t Be Trusted—Are You Missing Them?
Ever had that friend who’s all sunshine and rainbows — until the clouds roll in and you realize they’ve been sneaking in the rain all along? I did. Back in college, I met this classmate who seemed like the poster child for friendliness. Bright smiles, offers to study together, the whole package. Sounds ideal, right? Yet beneath that warm exterior lurked little quirks — last-minute flake-outs, whispers behind backs, and a mysterious Houdini act whenever I tried to get a peek into her own world. It wasn’t until later that I cracked the code: her charm was less about genuine friendship and more a means to an end — my notes and connections.
That experience? Eye-opening. It got me thinking — how often do we overlook the subtle red flags masked by a friendly demeanor? Trust me, the devil’s in the details. So, if you’ve ever wondered whether that glowing smile actually hides a ticking time bomb of disappointment, you’re in the right place. Let’s dig into seven sneaky behaviors that, once spotted, could save your sanity (and your network).
When I was in college, I had a classmate who seemed like the friendliest person in the world. She’d always greet me with a bright smile, ask about my day, and insist that we study together. At first, I was thrilled to have found someone so supportive.
Over time, however, I noticed something strange. She’d cancel plans at the last second, talk behind our mutual friends’ backs, and act suspiciously evasive whenever I asked about her own life. It felt unsettling, but I brushed off the warning signs because I wanted to believe the best in her.
In the end, it turned out she was using me for notes and networking opportunities.
That experience taught me a valuable lesson about paying attention to subtle signals. Sometimes, people who appear warm and charming can carry red flags we don’t immediately see. Here are seven subtle behaviors that I’ve learned to keep an eye on.
1. They overpromise but rarely deliver
Few things are more frustrating than someone who makes grand commitments but always seems to “forget” or back out at the last minute.
They might promise an introduction to a key contact, say they’ll help you solve a complicated project, or even insist they’ll be there to support you during a tough time—yet nothing materializes.
What makes this so tricky is that they’re often persuasive. Their promises aren’t always blatant lies; sometimes they’re just overly optimistic statements that never come to fruition.
In my early days as a wellness coach, I had a colleague who constantly pitched ideas about collaborating on workshops. He’d talk about how we could “change the industry together,” but then vanish when it was time to do the real work.
Repeated overpromising but under-delivering can be a clue that someone’s friendliness is superficial. Trust is built through consistent follow-through, not empty words. Pay attention to the pattern, not the pitch.
2. They gossip but never open up themselves
I’ve always believed in the power of sharing personal stories—both the good and the messy—to foster genuine connections. But whenever I see someone who loves to pry into other people’s lives, yet offers nothing about themselves, I get that uneasy sense that something’s off.
It’s not that everyone has to share their most vulnerable secrets on day one; it’s more about noticing whether the exchange is reciprocal.
If they press for details about your relationship status, finances, or family issues but remain vague about their own experiences, it can indicate they’re collecting information without any intention of genuine sharing.
According to an article I read on Psychology Today, gossip can serve as a social bonding tool, but it also becomes a weapon for those who lack empathy. If you feel that someone’s interest in your life is purely for the sake of having something to talk about behind your back, it’s wise to proceed with caution.
3. Their body language doesn’t match their words
A huge part of communication happens beneath the surface—through facial expressions, posture, and tone of voice.
Even if someone’s words sound kind, watch for inconsistencies in their nonverbal cues. They might give you a compliment like, “Wow, you did an amazing job on that presentation!” yet their eyes dart around or they don’t maintain natural eye contact.
I first picked up on this during my time as a competitive athlete, where reading body language was almost as important as reading the scoreboard. I’d meet people who offered polite congratulations but carried stiff posture and disinterested expressions.
Eventually, I learned to trust my instincts. Genuine people tend to show congruence between what they say and how they carry themselves— their facial expressions, gestures, and tone line up with their message.
