Practically Eliot: the illustrated possum of almost understanding

The language of love is open to anyone with soul
and anyone aiming at a foreign language can add it as a string to their bow
but what I’m getting at, and if you haven’t worked it out yet you’re pretty slow,
is do you understand ‘Catian’, or ‘Miaowese’, or what a cat wants you to know?

Centuries and centuries of feline utterances
have had their cat owners and cat lovers hazarding their guesses.
Now, I’m not talking about ‘Catish’ for ‘Catsolute beginners’
like hissing or growling: anyone can tell something’s not right in Denmark or anywhere else for that matter.
No, that’s easy-peasy and there are no prize-winners.
I’m talking about those noises a furry friend will use
to get through to a human ally in the few waking hours between a catnap snooze.

A miaow, like our voices, can differ in pitch and length.
and, depending on whether you’re taking any notice, (and shame on you if you’re not), in insistence and strength.
Let me elaborate which won’t take a minute:
I promise you that, if you’re with your cat right now, he or she will get your full attention back in a bit.

First, there’s the relaxed, short, high-pitched miaow
which basically translated into human means “How’s it going?’, “Good morning” or “Hello.”
If a bit longer and slightly higher in tone
you’d better get ready cos your cat wants something and won’t leave you alone.
It’s your job to know what: like any language, it’s not just about connotation but also good relations
and if misunderstandings occur, they can lead to moggy machinations.
The one to get, whether a novice or an authority,
is the longer, drawn-out miaow which means “Food” and “Make it snappy!”

Now, I won’t go on
‘cos I’ve already taken too long.
Needless to say, there are those of you with some kind of ‘cat karma’
and you’re used to being woken up with your cat in your face checking out whether you’re still breathing or not in a ‘whiskerama’,
so, you’ll know that no cat has the same miaow and that yours is unique.
Mine too, so you’ll forgive me if I say “Catch you later” cos it’s 7 o’clock, and I’m guessing he’s just said “Tuna fish time” in Cat speak.