“Unlocking the Hidden Traits: 8 Surprising Signs You Might Not Realize Your True Worth”

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “Why am I so quick to shrug off my accomplishments?” or perhaps you say, “Oh, it’s no big deal,” when someone praises you? Trust me, you’re not alone! In many counseling sessions, I’ve encountered individuals who show tendencies of self-deprecation, grappling with persistent doubts about their abilities and undervaluing the unique contributions they make to the world. These behaviors might seem mild at first glance, but they often signal a much deeper struggle—an erosion of self-worth that can affect all facets of life, from friendships and family dynamics to workplaces. So, what does it look like when someone wrestles with recognizing their value? Join me as we explore the eight distinct traits commonly found in those who dodge compliments like an Olympic athlete avoiding a tomato toss. Are you ready to uncover the shadows of self-doubt that might be lurking in your own life, or perhaps in someone you care about? Let’s shine a light on these traits and spark a conversation about self-acknowledgment and growth! LEARN MORE.

I’ve spent a fair share of my counseling sessions with individuals who continuously sell themselves short, doubt their abilities, or remain unaware of the value they bring to the world.

You might see them shrug off compliments with statements like, “It’s not a big deal,” or “I just got lucky.” These behaviors sometimes seem harmless, but they can be signposts of a deeper issue—one rooted in an inability to recognize their own worth.

That’s what I want to explore today: eight traits that tend to show up in people who struggle to see their value. As someone who’s been in the relationship and counseling field for many years, I’ve noticed how these characteristics play out not just in romantic partnerships, but in friendships, families, and workplaces.

Many of us display one or two of these traits from time to time, but folks with persistent struggles around self-worth often see multiple items on this list show up in their daily lives.

So if you or someone you know resonates with what I’m about to share, don’t feel alarmed—this is simply a starting point for awareness. Let’s take a look at these eight unique traits.

1. They downplay their achievements

I’ve watched countless people brush off their accomplishments as if they’re trivial. Imagine someone who’s just earned a promotion at work, but when congratulated, they say, “I guess my boss just needed someone to fill the spot.” That’s a classic example of minimizing one’s achievements.

The folks at Healthline stand behind this, noting that individuals with low self-esteem often don’t give themselves credit for what they achieve.

Instead, they might attribute success to external factors such as luck or timing. This not only discounts their hard work but also perpetuates a negative cycle where they never fully acknowledge the role their efforts play in their successes.

One reason for this tendency might be a fear of looking arrogant. But there’s a big difference between having a healthy sense of pride in something you’ve accomplished and bragging incessantly about it. When we can’t see the distinction, we might find ourselves trivializing our wins so we won’t stand out.

2. They over-apologize

Do you ever bump into someone in a crowded hallway and catch yourself saying, “Sorry!”—even if it was the other person who ran into you? Over-apologizing is common in people who don’t fully recognize their worth. It’s like an instinctual response, almost as if they believe they’re inherently imposing on the world.

From my vantage point in counseling, I’ve seen how incessant apologizing becomes second nature. It stems from a feeling that they’re “always in the wrong,” which, in turn, makes them overly cautious in social situations.

When you don’t value yourself, you might feel the need to shrink back, keep the peace, or ensure you’re not a burden—so apologizing for every little thing becomes a go-to strategy.

Brené Brown has a quote that resonates here: “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.” Continual apologies can be a form of “running” from the possibility of conflict or disapproval. It’s safer to assume blame than to assert yourself.

3. They avoid the spotlight at all costs

I’m somewhat of an introvert myself, so I understand the discomfort that can come with being the center of attention. However, there’s a marked difference between a simple preference to stay behind the scenes and actively dodging any form of acknowledgment due to low self-worth.

The crew at Psychology Today has highlighted that when individuals avoid being recognized, it’s often rooted in a fear that others will discover they’re not as competent or deserving as they appear.

This links to something psychologists refer to as “impostor syndrome,” where you constantly feel like you’ve fooled everyone into thinking you’re more capable than you actually are.

I remember working with a client who refused to hold her birthday party in a public setting. She was petrified of having friends toast her achievements or celebrate her life. It wasn’t just social anxiety—she couldn’t stand the idea that others might shower her with praise, because she didn’t believe she was worth celebrating.