“Unraveling the Threads of Destiny: What Happens When the Past Repeats It’s Darkest Secrets in Hayley Notter’s ‘Again’?”

"Unraveling the Threads of Destiny: What Happens When the Past Repeats It's Darkest Secrets in Hayley Notter's 'Again'?"

I had never told anyone about Sandra. This name that was just a name, a word I repeated to myself sometimes until I got sick. I liked it when I threw her up. I enjoyed being able to flush her down, punishing her the only way I could. For years, whenever the mood struck me, I shoved three fingers down my throat and thought back to when I was sixteen and had never been kissed, and my mother was ordering my father to tell his children what he’d done. I’d heave and throw up Sandra and try to remember when I first learned her name. Had I overheard my mom crying about her, or had I found a Christmas gift with her name on it, or had her name fallen from my dad’s lips during one of the nights he’d drunkenly stumble into my room, sit on the edge of my bed, and tell me about all the women he was fucking on his business trips?

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