Unveiling Desire and Deprivation: Inside Melissa Febos’ Provocative Year Without Sex
As Febos’ journey continues, her self-understanding deepens. When she ultimately shares her inventory with a person she refers to as a spiritual advisor, the conclusion the advisor reaches is that Febos is manipulative, a user. Febos pushes back at first, saying that she sees herself as a people-pleaser, but the advisor immediately corrects her. People pleasing is people using.
The reader might well catch on to this aspect of Febos. Earlier in the book, we read: “…what I wanted from [my partners] was ultimately more subtle than that: to secure their focus, to make them like me. To cast a bit of glamour, a spell of protection. When I caught the flapping sail of their attention, I felt a swell of safety and power. For a moment, I soared. I wanted redemption, too, probably. That liquid pleasure without the risk. For that, I needed to be the one at the helm.” A user, indeed.
