THE FALL 24-HOUR SHORT STORY CONTEST IS NEXT SATURDAY, 09/09/23! Only 500 participants permitted so DON’T DELAY IF YOU WANT TO PLAY!! Our Fall contests are always the most popular!
We recently received a VERY SPECIAL GIFT from “K.S.”. This individual is clearly extremely offended by our most popular column. Part of K.S.’s gift said, “…on a quest to find Brian in person.”
The gift could almost be considered threatening…if it wasn’t so incredibly idiotic. We can’t believe K.S. spent so much of her own time creating this gift to try to make us upset…when all it did was make us all bust a gut laughing.
So, K.S., this installment of our most popular column is dedicated to YOU! – Brian the “Slug”
We’ve received so many gems lately that we had to run two installments of our most popular series this month!
Yes, it’s time once again to tickle our readers’ funny bones, and ruffle some snowflake feathers! If you want a road map of how to NEVER land a paid writing job, you’ve come to the right place! Today, we’re going to share another installment of our popular column, World’s Worst Query Letters and Book Proposals.
Featured below are real quotes from query letters and book proposals submitted to us over the past few weeks. Yes, we can learn from others’ mistakes!
In case you’re a new reader, please know that we are a publication about writing and publishing FOR WRITERS. When someone contacts us using our online contact form, directly above that form is a link to our writer’s guidelines, in a very large, bold, red font. The link to our guidelines is also at the top of every page on our website.
Get ready to be shocked and amazed!
I’m intrigued to compose articles on installment. Kindly make sense of about the methodology and fields.
– Well, “methodology” is the way people do things, and “fields” are large, clear outdoor areas without trees. Hope this helps.
Composing is my asylum, where I track down freedom and express my feelings. It’s a rollercoaster of ups and downs, however it engages me. Sharing my words interfaces me with others, leaving an enduring effect. Composing isn’t simply an expertise; it’s a piece of who I’m — a wonderful excursion of self-disclosure and association.
– I have to be honest, while reading your email, I feel like I’m in an asylum as well.
i have read, understand and ready to serve and abide.
– GREAT! I’ll have a plate of wings and a beer, please.
I write on my own I put my knowledge and mind to writing and even to framing sentences. So, can I get a chance to to get paid for my writing work through writers weekly ? please do respond and also guide me through I am very new to all this . Just want to follow my interest of reading & writing for making some money too.
– Gee, while you’re busy putting your mind to framing sentences, do you think you could install some correct punctuation and properly placed capital letters??
I wanna submit articles how can i?
– By not using “wanna” and by capitalizing your “i”s
Declan Rice debuts as Arsenal ease past MLS All-Stars in D.C.
– I have zero idea what you’re talking about, but I’m pretty certain it doesn’t fit our subject matter or format.
Am a good writer that u wont get disappointed
– Too Late.
Id like to articles on you’re platform
– To articles?? Did you mean two? You’re in luck! We have LOTS of articles on this platform!
I hope I start soon
– Ready … Set … GO!!
Would like to submit article on “Why women have a hard time losing weight?”.
– Fat chance.
how many days will I get the response?
– One day. No.
do you accept the writters none american
– We sure do…as long as the readers American can understand their writing.
I hope you accept me. Thank you very much
– I DO accept you! Just as you are! Now GO…be all you can be knowing that you are accepted!
I am ready to put my Articles here so that I get paid through Paypal. And I am confident in the work that I prepare. Now I am living in (removed), Is there anything that I should have to know to do so that I can do all as you wish as you like?
– You should know how to do a little research on your own. Click on the link that says “Write For Us,” and follow the instructions. Then, you can do all as I wish as I like…whatever that means.
I hope i’ll be able to write articles for your website. Thanks!
– Hope isn’t going to get you a writing assignment. Reading a publication’s writers’ guidelines, and making a real effort, is what will.
I want to become a article writing for your costume.
– We’d love to have you, but we’re fresh out of article costumes, and they aren’t very easy to write in.
I am looking for bloogers who will help me write articles on the ongoing scholarships in Australia, newzeland, USA and the u.k
This is an example of why you should “ALWAYS proofread and edit your work, especially when submitting a “paying market” posting to WritersWeekly. We don’t even know what a “blooger” is. But, if you know any, send them our way! 
See more entertaining installments of World’s Worst Book Proposals and Query Letters RIGHT HERE.
Please tell us what you think in the comments box below! 
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HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT SELF-PUBLISHING A BOOK?
a self-publishing services company that has been in business since 1998. Ask her anything.
ASK ANGELA!
Got questions about Print On Demand and Self-publishing? Ask Angela Hoy.
About The Author
Angela Hoy is the publisher of WritersWeekly.com, the author of 19 books, and the co-owner of BookLocker.com (one of the original POD publishers that still gets books to market in less than a month), PubPreppers.com (print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish), and Abuzz Press (the publishing co-op that charges no setup fees).
Angela has lived and traveled across the U.S. with her kids in an RV, settled in a river-side home in Bradenton, FL, and lived on a 52 ft Irwin sailboat. Angela now resides on a mountaintop in Northwest Georgia, where she plans to spend the rest of her days bird watching, gardening, hiking, and taking in all of the amazing sunrises.
WritersWeekly.com – the free marketing ezine for writers, which features new paying markets and freelance job listings every Wednesday.
BookLocker.com – According to attorney Mark Levine, author of The Fine Print, BookLocker is: “As close to perfection as you’re going to find in the world of ebook and POD publishing. The ebook royalties are the highest I’ve ever seen, and the print royalties are better than average. BookLocker understands what new authors experience, and have put together a package that is the best in the business. You can’t go wrong here. Plus, they’re selective and won’t publish any manuscript just because it’s accompanied by a check. Also, the web site is well trafficked. If you can find a POD or epublisher with as much integrity and dedication to selling authors’ books, but with lower POD publishing fees, please let me know.”
Abuzz Press offers FAST and FREE book publication, but only accepts a small percentage of submissions, and only works with U.S. authors.
PubPreppers.com – “We Prep, You Publish!” Print and ebook design for authors who truly want to self-publish. Offers formatting and design services only, and then provides simple instructions for authors on where to sign up to have the print and ebook editions printed/listed/sold. Cut out the middle man. Keep 100% of what bookstores pay for your book!
Angela’s POD Secrets Revealed Series can be found HERE.
Have a POD Book with another publisher? See if BookLocker can give you a better deal. (BookLocker offers “disgruntled author discounts” to those who want to move from other POD services.)
See BookLocker’s publishing packages HERE.
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https://twitter.com/AngelaHoy
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https://www.linkedin.com/pub/angela-hoy/78/719/390
Angela is the creator of the Original 24-Hour Short Story Contest!
https://24hourshortstorycontest.com/
Read More Of Angela’s Articles HERE
90+ DAYS OF PROMOTING YOUR BOOK ONLINE: Your Book’s Daily Marketing Plan by Angela Hoy and Richard Hoy
Promoting your book online should be considered at least a part-time job. Highly successful authors spend more time promoting a book than they do writing it – a lot more.
We know what you’re thinking. You’re an author, not a marketer. Not to worry! We have more than a decade of successful online book selling experience under our belts
and we’re going to teach you how to promote your book effectively online…and almost all of our techniques are FREE!
Online book promotion is not only simple but, if you have a step-by-step, day-to-day marketing plan (this book!), it can also be a very artistic endeavor,
which makes it fun for creative folks like you!
Yes, online book promoting can be EASY and FUN! Let us show you how, from Day 1 through Day 90…and beyond!
The Do-It-Yourselfer’s Guide to Self-Syndication
Practical resource outlining the self-syndication process, step-by-step. Packed with detailed information and useful tips for writers looking to gain readership, name recognition, publication and self-syndication for their column or articles.
https://writersweekly.com/books/4693.html
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Author: Brian Whiddon – Managing Editor
