Write What Disturbs You

The more you write privately, the better your writing becomes

Life is crowded with stress, demanding work, gloomy circumstances, and the potential for aggravation from others, both in person and online. In the face of these challenges, two admirable paths project themselves: Be a writer, or be a stoic, or perhaps start with writing and you will become a stoic by the end of this practice.

My peculiar habit of resorting to my notes app whenever I’m in distress has turned me into a keen master of self-awareness and has worked wonders in every aspect of my life. Anger, fear, or resentment may be festering in my body, but I’ll still manage to summon the mental clarity needed to process these emotions via flooding an empty page with my overworked thoughts.

Not only has this habit helped me countless times to bring my emotional state down to a simmer, but it has also brought me peace, improved my mindset, enhanced my writing, and strengthened my relationships.

There’s something transformative about forcing yourself out of an aggravated state and into self-reflection mode. It makes you resilient, reflective, and level-headed. If it works for you as it did for me, it will result in you becoming a more compassionate, understanding, and forgiving person. You might have people coming up to you wondering how you are so ‘chill’, having ceased to take anything personally or too seriously ever again.

The more you write privately, the better your writing person becomes but most importantly, the better you become as a person.

I read so many articles, posts and books from people I admire. However, the real “aha!” moments come from self-reflection. When I sit down in the morning to have my coffee and do some self-work, that’s when things really start to come together. I see patterns, I start understanding myself better. I can zoom out and make sense of it all. — Brianna Wiest in an Interview with Life Goals Magazine

Keep a Diary, Use it Daily

It is no surprise that many prominent writers kept a diary. Anne Frank, Virginia Wolf, and Nicolas Cole (in the present tense) are just a few examples.

A diary is a writer’s best friend; a site for deep, ridiculous, and remarkable thoughts, where loneliness temporarily fades and dreams, plans, and secrets are held without judgment. You are never too much for your journal, you can go as real and deep as you like. But do you ever?

The Secret is to be Honest

The pettier the better.

Do you trust your leather-bound confidante (or notes app) enough to share your messy streams of consciousness? How honest are you willing to be?

You don’t have to be negative but you have to be honest. I must say, I use my journal equally when I am happy and when I’m upset. I write to feel grateful sometimes or to document something positive, like taking a photo to preserve a magical moment. Having a written memory of how I felt at a high point in time keeps me hopeful and happy.

But it’s easy to be honest when we’re happy. Upset, sadness, and misery are hard to process sometimes.

“Some things are hard to write about. After something happens to you, you go to write it down, and either you over dramatize it, or underplay it, exaggerate the wrong parts or ignore the important ones. At any rate, you never write it quite the way you want to.” ― Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

Even in the privacy of our journals, it’s difficult to be honest and tell it as it is. We use our words carefully to portray ourselves as right, wise, and reflective. It’s important to rationalize our thoughts upon processing them, but equally so to write as honestly as we feel. The pettier the better. Start with a list. Write down what’s been bothering you. It won’t be difficult — your negativity bias is an ever-present program ready to be switched on at any moment. Don’t hesitate to admit feelings of embarrassment, shame, or even jealousy. Let loose, it’s only a moment of your day.

Honestly makes you a skilled writer and analyst.

Confessing raw, messy emotions is like solving a complex theory — what is the real truth? You have to gather data (your emotions), research (their root cause), analyze (how you feel), and come up with a conclusion: I feel deeply hurt that my best friend of nine years did not reschedule her engagement party for when I am back from holidays — it was only two days apart.

You have to really dig deep into your feelings and critically assess the available data. Am I being emotional or rational? Critical or judgmental? Did my best friend intentionally want to hurt me, or is it that she didn’t want to create a conflict with her future mother-in-law who had already printed the dates on all the party favors?

This reflective process fires the mental signals that land in the territory of wisdom. That’s where you want to be. The more honest you are, the wiser you become, and the better your writing is.

Learn To Love Writing

There’s no point doing any of this if you don’t genuinely enjoy writing. Believe it or not, many writers don’t enjoy the process of writing — it is a means to an end for them. They find the process infinitely less rewarding than the result.

“So many writers don’t like to write… But I do, I like to write, and sometimes I’m afraid I like it too much because when I get into work I don’t want to leave it and as a result, I’ll go for days and days and days without leaving my house…” — Harper Lee, author of To Kill a Mockingbird in her only recorded interview

Be like Harper Lee. The best and perhaps only good way to be a writer is to truly enjoy writing. Write as much as possible. Maybe don’t lock yourself at home, just keep a journal with you at all times. It will be rewarding, if not in the moment, eventually.

Takeaways:

1. Keep a journal. Use it daily. Private writing improves your writing skills.
2. Be honest — the pettier the better. Honesty helps you process raw emotions which makes you a wiser and more skilled writer.
3. Writing is a tool for self-reflection. Writing when you’re upset makes you a better person.
4. Enjoying the act of writing is essential to becoming a skilled writer.

Isra Alaradi is a passionate writer based in Bahrain, a little island in the Middle East.

Write What Disturbs You was originally published in The Writing Cooperative on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.