From the moment you come into this world, there is this thing that happens around you that can sometimes be delightful, but at times drives you crazy or leaves you completely befuddled. You know, life. And if you find yourself in the middle of an experience that leaves you with more questions than answers, it’s absolutely okay to ask for advice.

Did you know that giving good advice is actually as much of an art (or science) as any other job? It’s not only about knowing things but also being able to find the right words of advice. But on the other hand, even after you have received the best piece of advice possible, it doesn’t automatically imply you are obliged to follow it. 

It doesn’t matter how experienced the person giving advice is or how well they know you; if whatever they say you should do doesn’t sit right with you, you probably should follow your gut. And don’t even get me started on people who think they are authorized to share their life wisdom with you “just because,” even though the words “I need advice” have never left your lips.

Advice doesn’t always have to be serious or life-changing. Sometimes funny advice about random situations is the best thing you need. There are a lot of unexpected things in life, and advice that not only makes you chuckle but all of a sudden comes in handy, is surely useful. 

For this article, we have collected a bunch of funny life advice for all sorts of situations. Which one do you find the most useful? If you have anything to add to this collection, share it with us in the comments. 

#1

Carry a fork with you. If someone tries to rob you, pull it out of your pocket and say, ‘thank you Lord for this meal I’m about to have’ and charge at them with the fork.

#2

If you teach a man to fish, you feed him for one day. If you feed him to the fishes then he’ll never be hungry again.

#3

Trust dogs. They always know who to stay away from.

#4

If you hear weird noises in the night, simply make weirder noises to assert dominance.

#5

If you find a toilet in your dream, don’t use it.

#6

Don’t yell at your kids, lean in close and whisper, it’s much scarier.

#7

If your kids suddenly start getting along and are nice to each other for no reason, be very suspicious.

#8

If you attempt to rob a bank, you will have no trouble with rent or bills for the next ten years, whether you are successful or not.

#9

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

#10

If you don’t know where your kids are in the house, turn off the internet and watch them magically appear.

#11

No matter how nice the hand soap smells, don’t leave the restroom smelling your fingers.

#12

If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a water gun and shoot other people in the eyes.

#13

Eat whatever you want, and if someone calls you fat, eat them too.

#14

Drinking can cause memory loss, or even worse, memory loss.

#15

If you are not happy where you are, move. You are not a tree.

#16

If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it, then how bad of a decision can it really be?

#17

Ladies, if a man says he’ll fix something, he will. There’s no point in telling him about it every six months.

#18

If you can’t blind them with brilliance, baffle them with nonsense.

#19

If you swim with a friend, your chances of getting eaten by a shark will drop by 50%.

#20

Marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they won’t eat all of yours.

#21

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

#22

Don’t give up your dreams, keep on sleeping.

#23

Don’t let go of your wife’s hand at the mall, because she will start shopping. It might look romantic, but it’s actually economic.

#24

If you break your bone in two places, don’t go to those places again.

#25

If you wait until the last minute to do it, it only takes a minute to do.

#26

Be a Caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep a lot. Wake up beautiful.

#27

Writing. Like. This. Doesn’t. Make. Your. Point. Any. Stronger.

#28

When you fart in public, yell “Jet power!” and walk faster.

#29

Eggs are good for your health. But sometimes we get fed up with them. Add some butter, chocolate, sugar, flour, and then bake. Now it’s not so boring to eat them every day.

#30

Never use your favorite song as an alarm. You’ll start to hate it.

#31

Don’t make snow angels in a dog park.

#32

If you ever get caught sleeping on the job, slowly raise the head and say in Jesus name, Amen.

#33

Do not think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a majestic baboon.

#34

In case of fire, exit the building before tweeting about it.

#35

For $1, you can buy a candy bar from a vending machine. For $2, you can buy a brick, and get all the candy in the vending machine.

#36

Don’t be sad, because sad backward is das and das not good.

#37

If your dog blinks at you blink back. It could be a code.

#38

Don’t lick the bowl, flush it like a normal person.

#39

Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘would an idiot do that?’ if they would, I do not do that thing.

#40

Put a teabag in your whiskey, so you can day drink without being judged.

#41

My father once told me, “Son, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, claim it’s something your father told you.”

#42

The best defense against somebody videotaping you is to blast a song by an artist that is serious about copyright infringement.

#43

Pro parenting tip: only have spaghetti on bath nights.

#44

Never walk on the ice with your hands in your pockets.

#45

Don’t be ashamed of yourself — that’s a job for your parents.

#46

If you’re in 12th grade, do not join senior dating sites.

#47

The first time your toddler sneezes in your face, even if it is super funny when it happens, do not laugh. You will be sentencing yourself to years of purposeful in-your-face sneezes.

#48

Listen to really bad music when going through something terrible in your life. If you listen to music you love, it will become a constant reminder of bad times.

#49

When you want to annoy someone at work, use air quotes when addressing their work title.

#50

Oil floats on water, so cover yourself in oil, wait for it to rain, and fly.