Unraveling Bloodlines: How "Relative Strangers" Redefines Family and Belonging
Families, like identity, can also be chosen. And therein lies the rub. To quote an ancient Chinese proverb, “Life is not difficult but for the choosing.” The binary and hence, false choice, is between the family who raised us and the family whose bloodline we share. The real choice is how to integrate these two “families.”
In a number of essays, the writer meets strangers to whom they are related. In some cases, everyone is surprised by, but accepting of, their new kin. In others, the seeker encounters the stiff arm of rejection or skepticism and must struggle to shoehorn themselves into another family’s past. As Dawn Davies observes, the “[b]irthdays, holidays, homework, meals, seasonal changes, holiday decorations. Arguments, slammed doors, apologies. New shoes, braces, cars, college.” This passage illustrates the near impossibility and absurdity of becoming meaningful to another person overnight, despite a shared bloodline. Relationships must be built, shared memories created. A history may live within you but a sense of connection is more elusive.
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