Unraveling Bloodlines: How "Relative Strangers" Redefines Family and Belonging
There is, as contributor Laura Jenkins points out, shame and a moral imperative lurking behind these ill-advised questions from others who fail to understand. Jennkins writes, “Accusations of ingratitude, selfishness and even personal weakness are often leveled at people who want to know. People like me.”
Most children are weaned on gratitude, i.e. “Eat your peas; there are starving children in India;” “Be sure to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you,” etc. But adoptees get an extra serving of gratitude training: “You should be grateful we gave you a home;” “You should be grateful your biological parents wanted a better life for you than the one they couldn’t provide.” I remember being told as a child how fortunate I was and how grateful I should be that I was loved twice as much as non-adopted children. Was I to feel better about my circumstances, even superior, because I have two sets of parents, even if one set rejected me?
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