What I’ve Learned from Dealing With Rejection as a Writer

And why being rejected often is a good thing

‘Not quite the right fit for us’

‘We will have to pass at this time.’

‘Wasn’t what we were looking for’

‘We will not be using this piece’

There are many variants of these phrases that I have heard over the years. I haven’t totalled the number of rejections I have received but in just 4 years, they are most certainly well over 100.

It can get really discouraging. Overwhelmingly, so. The proportion of published writing to drafts and rejections can be very, very small. How do you get past numbers like that?

I have submitted sample writing that I poured my heart into only to hear that the client has ‘gone in another direction. I have pinned all my hopes onto articles and been broken-hearted at the volume of rejection emails.

Every single time, it hurt. I have cried into bowls of death by chocolate and buckets of biryani. I have wanted to give up. I have questioned my abilities and dreams. Science suggests that rejection literally hurts. It activates the part of your brain that is also activated by physical pain. Eventually, I would pick myself off the ground and warily send out another submission.

It took me a few months to realise that I was spending too much time in this spiral. I would hold back from submitting any of my work until I worked up enough confidence. I knew that if I kept shrinking back every time a rejection popped up in my inbox, it would take much, much longer to ever have my work published. I had to speed up this process and get over the rejection faster.

With my writing specifically, the first few rejections were tougher because there was so much at stake. I had enjoyed a certain level of financial stability and independence and I didn’t realise that each rejection made me reconsider my choice to choose this profession.

At the start of my writing career, this cost me a lot of time and mental energy that I wish I had conserved earlier. I spent too long wallowing in self-doubt.

Start by telling yourself that you are in good company.

Many great authors like Stephen King and JK Rowling were rejected multiple times before they went on to be published. Knowing this gave me so much comfort.

To deal with rejection as a writer, it helps if you have faced some sort of rejection in life previously. Had I faced rejection in my life before? PLENTY. Thanks to my grand romantic notions of nearly everything in life, my great expectations most often led me to great disappointment.

Some were intensely personal, there were job interviews, and there were random photoshoots at an old office where I was told to step aside because I didn’t look good enough.

Fortunately, I have been criticised for everything from my personality to my work (don’t even get me started on relationships). I use the word ‘fortunately’ because, through all of these experiences, I got good at rejection. They taught me some invaluable coping mechanisms to deal with disappointment.

I got used to failing — and I failed fast, failed often and decided I would fail upwards.

Think of dealing with rejection as a skill that you need to master.

When I thought of it that way, I was able to stomach it better. Decide to get rejected, because in doing that, you are automatically deciding to send out your work and that in itself, is a victory. If I wanted to be a writer, it was critical that I develop a sense of resilience. And that came mainly because of a shift in mindset. It is why athletes train and musicians practise.

In order to get better at something, you have to have experienced it multiple times so that it becomes like muscle memory. Learning to process these emotions and set them aside became easier and easier each time I received a notification of rejection. Like I said before, I got good at rejection. I embraced it.

Acceptance emails will eventually come around. Here are a few practical tips that helped me deal with rejection in the waiting period.

Don’t let rejection define you as a writer

Keep believing in your work. Keep writing, keep submitting and your work will keep improving. Unfortunately, there aren’t any shortcuts. Repurpose your writing. Review, rework and resubmit your work. Don’t throw everything out. Focus on your craft — not the wins or the losses. Decide to celebrate your wins and persevere through the failures.

Find some unapologetic unbiased editors

I have been lucky to find friends and colleagues who take the time to read my work and critique it with honesty and kindness. You need someone else to look over your work and tell you what they think of it. Writing seems like a solitary pursuit but the benefit of a community is immense. It helps refine your writing, you get to hear feedback from readers and along the way, you make some wonderful friends. Not to mention, it does wonders for a writer’s soul and craft.

Take advantage of simultaneous submissions

Of course, check submission guidelines carefully before doing this but having your work out there obviously gives you a higher chance of getting it accepted (and without the long waiting periods in between the notification of status and re-submission).

I also planned my submissions better. If I had a short story that I wanted to submit to a literary magazine, for instance, I prepared a list of publications that may be a good home for it. I wrote them down and categorised them based on my personal preferences (dream publications right at the top, and the rest below). Then I’d submit first to the 2–3 dream publications and do a second round of submissions to my list of second-tier publications.

Do introspect

Now your first few writing submissions aren’t going to be your finest and that’s okay. Don’t let the fear of rejection hold you back from submitting in the first place. Know that this is part of the process and that nearly every writer on the planet has had to deal with this. Approach each rejection with humility and a strong sense of will.

Go back to your piece – you don’t necessarily need to throw it out — if the piece still has potential, sit with it, re-read it, ask for someone you know to read it with a fresh pair of eyes and make changes that are necessary. If not, go back to the drawing board.

Do run a second round of checks

While submitting to magazines or pitching to clients, don’t just do cursory checks for information and grammar. Check for completeness of your content and whether it is relevant for your intended magazine/journal. Look at the tone of voice, check to make sure there is a clear narrative, look for gaps in the content, double-check to make sure your content fits the brand or magazine’s image and brief — is it really as good as you first thought it was? If not, make changes or take another stab at it from the very beginning. If it really is trash, send it to a special folder and save it there. I never waste any writing, you never know when you can find gold in these rejected sentences.

Don’t entertain shame

Many many fantastic writers have faced rejection. You are not alone. And this most likely will not be the last time you have to face rejection. So getting used to it and moving on quickly helps immensely. Personally, I use rejection to fuel my determination. I do not dwell on each rejection anymore because I choose to believe that editors are reading pieces of work with an open mind. They are looking for work that best suits their platform, publication or brand — their selection process is, by nature of this creative profession, very subjective. A rejection, therefore, doesn’t necessarily mean that my work is bad, perhaps it just may need a bit of refining or could be a better fit elsewhere. I take a good hard look at my work and try to find another home for it.

Don’t stop

I submitted to this major writing prize for four consecutive years, making it to the longlist once and was finally shortlisted this year. If I had stopped after the rejection the first year, I would never have felt the elation that this year’s prize brought me. Believe that your work will become more polished, that publishing is a possibility and work towards that goal instead of getting sidetracked by the pitfalls along the way.

There is no shortcut to making it as a writer; just a lot of patience and practice. What is important is that you believe in your writing, hold onto hope and stick with it.

At a time when the rejections were aplenty, I started Rewrite magazine, a repository for rejected writing. I was inspired by the French movie — The Mystery of Henri Pick (Le Mystère Henri Pick). The plot features a library with rejected manuscripts of authors with big dreams. One of those books becomes a sensation after being discovered by an editor, leading to a hunt for the manuscript’s author. It made me think of rejected writing very differently — words with potential, even without publication.

If you have a piece of writing (we’re only accepting fiction or poetry at this time) that has been rejected (once or many times over), we would love to read it and publish it on the platform. You are welcome to write to us at editor@rewritemag.com and follow us on Instagram where we regularly publish encouragement on dealing with rejection and places you can submit writing to.

If you have been in a place of disappointment because of rejection, I know this sounds like a cliche but please just hold on, the good part is coming!

What I’ve Learned from Dealing With Rejection as a Writer was originally published in The Writing Cooperative on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.